When you think about people that have a certain job role in life, you can sometimes find yourself filling in the unknown aspects of their personality based on what you know on the surface. You may look at a Military person, such as a Marine, and you decide they must be super tough and never experience emotional pain, or that an Athlete at the top of their game must never feel like giving up. But all these people will at one time or another experience exactly the same things as the rest of us. They may have a better capacity for overcoming some of the thoughts and feelings that they share with you or I, or maybe they just bury them instead.
I'm no different. I may be an NLP Practitioner, I spend my time helping other people overcome challenges in their life, but just like everyone else, if you cut me, I bleed. I experience all the same emotions as everyone else does. I feel love as intensely as anyone and I can feel the pain of heartache and loss and the confusion that comes from betrayal. I may have learned the skills required to overcome challenges and I may be able to limit the damage more effectively, but it doesn't mean I've gained some kind of immunity from emotional pain.
I can have some element of control over my life. I can try my best to control how I choose to feel about something that happens to me, but i can't totally control the beliefs, values and behaviours of those around me that touch my life for a short moment or longer. I can have some influence, because my own behaviour will have an impact on the behaviour of another, but it doesn't mean I have the ability to prevent a person from doing something unkind to me due to their own fear or lack of empathy. Some people will always prioritise their own feelings over yours and in some cases, they will think nothing of hurting you if it means they don't have to deal with the short discomfort of a difficult conversation.
When you truly love another person, you will do anything not to hurt them, including putting aside your fears if it means they won't be hurt or they will be less hurt. The ultimate example of this is with your child or children. If you had a fear of water and couldn't swim, you'd still dive into a river to save them without a second thought. That is an example of what the highest level of love really is. If someone not only pushes you in the river, but then stands on the bank watching you drown because they're scared of water, then it's a fairly good indication that you aren't and weren't that important to them, even if they told you that you were.
What next?
Firstly, the best advice I can give you is not to turn to hate and to try and limit the damage to your own self worth. You will end up questioning everything you thought you knew about yourself and them and it will utterly destroy you if you aren't careful. Even it's someone who you thought loved you completely, you must not let it destroy your self worth, it's really not about you. It's also easy to turn to hate, but holding onto a hot rock with the intention of throwing it at someone, only results in you getting burnt. You have to accept the new reality, as hard as it can be.
There is power in a fresh start. A fresh start doesn't have to be a huge dramatic announcement involving everyone in your life. You don't need to shout about it. There is even a little mouse that I watched on television, that roars like a mini lion, but to you or I it would only sound like a long squeak. Think about the last time you went to write something and decided to screw up the paper, throw it in the bin and start again. it was a fresh start and there was power in that moment, but it didn't need a social media announcement or phone call to all your friends. So a fresh start can be something small or something big, the power is in the significance, not in the grandeur of it or the cost.
Your fresh start may not require anything other than a deep breath followed by an acceptance of what has happened to you and a decision to move forward. Or it may be a holiday that you have always wanted to take.
It doesn't matter what happens to you, don't let your own adversity shape you into someone who would knowingly cause another suffering. Always try your best to treat others as you would wish to be treated.
"The person who does wrong, does wrong to themselves. The unjust person is unjust to themselves." - Marcus Aurelius
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